


Lily of the Valley

by iisaax



Series: Inflorescence [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Hormones, Other, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Trans Character, hormone replacement therapy, voice training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iisaax/pseuds/iisaax
Summary: Bucky is tapping at the arm of the chair they’re sitting in, and anxiously bouncing their legs. They’ve tried taking some sniper-breaths, but nothing works. They turn on their phone for the hundredth time in the last thirty minutes, but Steve hasn’t texted since they got to the second waiting room.They turn it back off, tucking it under their bouncing leg.-lily of the val·ley/ˈlil-ē-əv-t͟hə-ˈval-ē/1. a low perennial herb of the lily family2. represents trust and humility; returning happiness





	Lily of the Valley

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! More all-set-in-the-present trans Bucky.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor, nor have I ever taken anti-androgens. Everything in this fic and future fics is a mix of intuition (with a little bit of bending to fit the story), my own experiences, and lots of Googling. That being said, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Content warning: brief mentions of needles, blood

Bucky is tapping at the arm of the chair they’re sitting in, and anxiously bouncing their legs. They’ve tried taking some sniper-breaths, but nothing works. They turn on their phone for the hundredth time in the last thirty minutes, but Steve hasn’t texted since they got to the second waiting room. 

They turn it back off, tucking it under their bouncing leg.

A door to the back suddenly opens, and Bruce pokes out his head. He looks around for Bucky, then when he spots them, waves them to follow. Bucky stands on wobbly knees, pocketing their phone. 

“How are you today?” Bruce asks them as they hand over the paperwork they’ve looked over about a thousand times. 

“Good. But nervous. Really nervous.”

Bruce nods like he understands, flipping through their chart as the two make their way down a short hallway. They pass a few other nurses, then Bruce stops in front of a room, opening the door for Bucky. Bucky thanks him quietly, and steps inside, sitting at a chair. Their knees immediately start bouncing, and they take another sniper-breath.

Bruce closes the door, and sits at a rolling chair, setting down the clipboard he was holding. He puts on some nitrile gloves, and the sound of the material twists Bucky’s stomach in knots.

After readying some various supplies, Bruce wheels over and smiles at Bucky.

“May I see your arm? Natural, please.”

Bucky nods, offering him their flesh arm. Bruce wraps some material around it, and Bucky panics until they realize he’s just checking their blood pressure. Breathe, Barnes.

Bruce chats with them while he does it, asking “What’s been going on with you?” and “Has your prosthetic been giving you any trouble?”

Bucky answers in quick little okay’s and fine’s, other hand tapping away at their knee. 

“I’m sorry,” Bruce asks meekly, “but could you try to keep as still as possible? I need to get an accurate reading.”

“Yeah.” They still their hand. “Sorry. Like I said, I’m really nervous.” 

“Don’t be; All we’re doing today is a wellness check, then you need to head and get some bloodwork done.”

“That’s what I’m nervous about,” Bucky tells him as he unwraps their arm. “I don’t like needles.”

“Ah… Well, I’m sure it won’t last long. We only need a little.” He wheels back over to the desk, where he flips through some paper, then asks, “Do you still weigh the same as on your chart?”

“Yeah,” they answer, having just weighed this morning. “Same height, too.”

Bruce hums his acknowledgement, and pull out a drawer to grab a pen. He scribbles at the paper, and Bucky looks around the room. It’s not as… grimy as the depths of Hydra’s base, nor is it as poorly-lit. In fact, it’s kinda bright, and Bucky squints as they glance up at the fluorescent lights. Bruce notices, asking them, “Do you need me to dim the lights a bit?”

“If you don’t mind, yeah.”

Bruce rolls to the lightswitch, turning down a small diall. The room darkens a bit, and Bucky relaxes. 

“Thanks.”

“Of course,” he rolls back. “Are all your medicines the same?”

“Yep.” They take a few pills for anxiety, as well as one for seizures - not that they’ve had one for a while, luckily - and have a prescription for something to treat chronic headaches. They haven’t used that one for a while, either, but may take it today if their reaction to the lights is anything to go by. They make a mental note to ask Steve where they stashed it away. “None of them conflict with Aldactone, do they?”

“No, you should be good,” Bruce pushes his glasses up on his nose. “You still want to take that, right? Not Estrogen?”

“Not Estrogen.”

“Okay.” Bruce clicks his pen. “And you’re aware of all the side-effects? Or do you need me to read them out?” Bruce asks them.

“I’m aware.” They’ve read the booklet about anti-androgens they were given a few weeks ago probably a million times. 

“Alright, then. I just need to write you a prescription, then you can head to labs.” 

Bucky nods, the earlier anxiety returning.

Bruce scribbles them a prescription in chicken-scratch, then hands it over with a smile. “Congratulations. After today’s dose you’ll officially be on hormones.”

Bucky grins despite themself at the paper. “Thanks, Dr. Banner.”

Bruce smiles again, and stands to lead them across the hall. “Dr. Cho will be taking your blood today. Don’t worry; she doesn’t bite.”

Bucky nods.

“Do you need me to grab Steve for you? He’s still in the front waiting room.”

Bucky nods again, feeling a little embarrassed. Bruce pats them on the back, then heads to fetch him. Bucky takes a really deep sniper-breath and pushes open the door to the lab.

Dr. Cho greets them warmly, looking up from a counter. “Hello. You must be James.”

“Bucky,” they sit at an uncomfortable chair. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Helen,” she smiles, pulling on some gloves of her own. “Have you ever had your blood drawn before?”

“Yes ma’am. I mean, uh, Helen. Loads of times.”

Helen nods, but doesn’t push further, which Bucky appreciates. They decide they like her.

She tears open an alcohol wipe. The smell makes Bucky feel light-headed, and they clench and unclench their metal hand. 

“If you need me to stop at anytime,” Helen wipes the inside of their right arm. “Don’t hesitate to let me know. We don’t want you passing out.”

Bucky grunts their agreement, closing their eyes, focusing on not doing just that. They can hear Helen mill around, then she starts to tie a length of rubber above their elbow. Bucky bites the inside of their cheek. The door opens, and Bucky cracks open an eye. 

Steve walks in, greeting Cho, then bends over next to Bucky, brushing a hand over their hair. He kisses them on the forehead, then kneels down, grabbing their metal hand.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says gently. “You doin’ alright?”

Bucky closes their eye again and nods, wincing as Helen tightens the tourniquet. 

“I’ve found a vein; are you ready for me to continue?” she asks after a few more seconds of prodding.

Bucky nods again, ready to get it over with. Steve rubs a thumb over their knuckles.

“Alright,” she says. Then, she maneuvers their hand into a fist, asking them to hold it there. “On three. One, two…”

A pinprick of pain, then: 

“And three. Still with me, Bucky?”

Bucky nods, feeling light-headed again. “I feel a little faint.”

“You need to take a breather? Steve, can you grab the rag next to the sink? Yes, that one.”

Bucky shakes their head. They can do this.

Something cold is laid over the back of their neck, then Steve holds their hand again, giving it a small kiss. Helen undoes the rubber tie from their arm with a snap, then her chair creaks as she sits back. Nothing happens for a long while, and Bucky listens to Helen tap at the container where they assume their blood is flowing. Then, Helen presses something soft, probably a cotton ball, to their inner arm and pulls the needle out. Bucky exhales, and opens their eyes.

Helen tapes the cotton ball in place, taking the tourniquet from their arm. She screws the cap onto a small vial of blood, then disposes of the used needle and tubing into a large biohazard container. 

“All done,” she says, placing the blood in a different container. “You don’t have to stand until you feel comfortable doing so. When you do, be sure to lift your head last, and take it slow.”

Bucky nods. “Okay.”

They sit for a few minutes while Helen putters around, then Steve helps them up, reminding them to roll their spine. 

“Feel alright?” Steve asks, still holding their hand. 

Bucky squeezes it. “Yep. Let’s go.” They turn to Cho. “Thank you, Helen.”

Helen gives them a small bow and a smile. “You’re very welcome.”

Steve holds the door open for Bucky, who thanks him, then they head to the front desk, where a secretary pencils them in for an appointment a few months from now. They then board the elevator, heading down to one of the lower floors of the tower where Stark has his own personal pharmacy. 

Steve continues to rub a thumb over the back of their metal hand. “Arm feel okay?”

Bucky bends it a few times, watching the tape crinkle. “Uh-huh. I’m glad I didn’t faint.”

“Me too.”

They reach their floor, and step out. Steve hands over their new prescription while Bucky curiously browses the surprisingly large array of condoms and toys. They pick out a few boxes, just for fun, then return to Steve, who upon seeing the boxes they set down on the counter blushes a deep red. Bucky smiles innocently at the pharmacist, who looks like this isn’t nearly the first time he’s had to deal with obnoxious customers. He works in Tony’s drug store, after all.

After they get the hormones, Steve apologizing profusely for the pharmacist having to scan a box ringing up as “Cpt Anl,” they leave the tower. 

In the car, Bucky opens their new meds, reading the pamphlet inside while humming along to the radio. It’s playing a modern song they actually like, and they softly sing with the dame crooning about being a Brooklyn baby. 

“What does it say about libido? You sure look like you’re making some big plans with mister Captain Anal,” Steve asks them, drumming lightly on the steering wheel.

“Shouldn’t decrease it too much,” Bucky flips the page. “If anything it’ll just get rid of most mornin’ wood.”

“Aw,” Steve pouts. “I’m gonna have to miss out on lovin’ on you in the morningtime?”

“I never said that,” Bucky tells him, smiling. Then they go back to reading the paper. “It’ll just make ‘em less common. Ready for me to grow some tits?”

Steve flushes at the word. “I’m sure you’re not going to grow those.”

“I dunno, I’ve read it varies from person to person. Looks like Bruce has got me on… 50 mg a day. That should be enough to sprout somethin’.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want your chest to change.”

Bucky shrugs, looking down at their shirt. “I’d be okay with it. Mostly looking forward to the body hair decline. I hate shavin’ my legs.”

“You said it could give you some hips, too?”

“Maybe. And softer skin. That’s mainly it, though. If I was takin’ E there would be more, but…” they shrug. 

“Hm,” Steve says, and turns onto their street. “Are you excited for the changes?”

“Hell yeah. Wanna start working on my voice, too. You said you would help me with that?”

“Of course.” They turn into the driveway, and Steve switches off the car. “We’re here,” he points out, rather obviously.

Bucky smiles and puts away the paper.

-

Steve brushes his teeth, and Bucky shakes out their meds, adding in the headache pill Steve helped them find, and their Spironolactone. They reread the dosage instructions, then down the pills with a handful of water. They then look at themself in the mirror, half expecting all their stubble to immediately disappear. Nothing happens, and they’re a little disappointed. Only a little, though. 

Steve spits his toothpaste out and rinses his mouth. He dries off with a towel, then sidles up next to Bucky, kissing them on the neck with minty smelling breath. 

“Feel any different?” he asks, smooching up to their cheek.

“No, nothin’. Guess I have to wait a few days.”

Steve hums, tilting their head into a kiss. “Wanna test out mister anal?” he asks, half-joking.

“Yes,” Bucky answers, dead serious. 

Steve laughs, and leads them backwards into the bedroom.

-

Over the next few days Bucky keeps an eye out for any changes, but nothing exciting happens, so they quickly lose interest. Then, one day as they’re getting out of the shower, they happen to look in the mirror and notice their chest looks different.

“Rogers!” they call, quickly adding, “Not an emergency.”

Steve pokes his head out of the hallway and walks over. “What’s up?” he asks.

“Look,” Bucky beckons him over, then pokes at a nipple. “They’re all puffy.”

“Huh.” Steve leans in, examining them. “Yeah, they are. Does it hurt?”

“Nope. Just tender.”

“Huh,” Steve says again, lifting a hand to their chest. “Can I…?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

Steve cups a pec in his hand, gently squeezing. Bucky totally does not get turned on, thank you very much.

“Cool,” he finally says, grinning. “You’re sure it doesn’t hurt?”

“No, not at all. Feels kind of good, actually.”

“Really?” Steve kneads at one.

Bucky nods, feeling pretty bare in their towel. “Sensitive,” they choke out.

“Oh, sorry,” Steve pulls his hand away. 

“S’okay.” Bucky leans up to kiss him. “Could you leave, though? I’m getting kinda cold.”

“Mm-hm.” Steve steps back, head trailing behind. “I’ll be in the study.”

“Okay,” Bucky says, and watches him leave. They turn back to the mirror, poking at a nipple. Cool.

-

About a week later, Steve starts to help Bucky with their voice training. He prints out a bunch of forum posts about speaking in a head voice and brings them into the living room, where Bucky is curled up on the couch. 

They practice for a few hours, until Bucky’s head starts to hurt, then Steve makes some lunch. It’s a little hard to see their sandwiches with all the lights turned off, but Steve is accustomed to it. Plus, his eyesight is miles better than it used to be.

He sets down Buck’s sandwich on the coffee table. 

“Thanks,” comes the muffled reply from inside a blanket burrito. Steve sits next to it, and leans into the blankets, taking a bite of his own sandwich. 

“I think you’re making good progress. Pretty soon you’ll be able to switch back and forth like nobody’s business.”

Bucky reaches out of their burrito for their sandwich. “Yep.”

Steve chews for a bit, watching them struggle to tuck their arm back inside. “Do you,” he starts, swallowing. “Want to talk higher up all the time?”

“Not all the time.” They finally get their arm back in. “Just whenever I feel feminine.”

“Hmm.”

They sit in companionable silence, eating their food. Then, quietly:

“Do _you_ want me to talk in a higher up voice all the time?”

Steve looks at them, but they don’t look back. “I want whatever makes you happiest. If that means talkin’ like a dame all the time, then yes. If it means you wanna stop practicin’, then I want that, too.” Steve reaches out a hand to rub their back. “You just let me know, and I’ll follow. ‘Til the end of the line.”

Bucky leans into his touch, sighing happily. They turn to him, and lean in for a kiss - probably dropping lettuce all over his lap, but Steve can’t find it within himself to care.

**Author's Note:**

> In the car, Buck is singing along to [Brooklyn Baby](https://youtu.be/T5xcnjAG8pE) by Lana Del Ray. A stucky classic, tbh. 
> 
> You can learn more about speaking in a head voice with [this](https://youtu.be/Ah5DGHXbKmk) video by Stef Sanjati. Awesome content creator, totally check her out.
> 
> And yes, that Captain America-themed sex toy is totally real. [Here](https://mashable.com/2018/04/24/avengers-sex-toys-themed/#xyvkKq9fJiq3) is an article about it. (Warning: link is nsfw)
> 
> Flower meaning is from [wikipedia.org](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plant_symbolism)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
